Princess Lessons: Mama Bear

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Merida is quickly becoming one of my favourite princesses – not only because of her amazing hair and cool accent, but because she’s independent and feisty. And I can relate to her as the older sister to three brothers, particularly her comment, “They get away with murder; I get away with nothing.” Perhaps that was why I never really rebelled – I knew there was no point.

Brave, unlike the traditional princess stories, is a mother-daughter love story. There are three suitors for Merida’s hand, but she’s not at all interested. I can’t say I blame her. (If you’ve seen the film, you’ll understand why.) Merida defies tradition and makes it very clear she wants to choose her own path.

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Queen Elinor wants to raise the perfect princess; Merida has other ideas. They love each other but don’t understand each other, and when Merida asks a witch for a spell to change her mother, she doesn’t exactly get what she asked for but the result is a richer mother-daughter relationship.

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One of the lessons here is: be careful what you wish for. Teenagers are a short-sighted species and often don’t consider the implications of their actions. I want my daughters to follow their dreams, but not blindly or foolishly, or selfishly. I hope that I am raising them to be people with consideration for others, and who will weigh the consequences before making decisions.

I found myself taking to heart another of Brave‘s lessons. My daughters are people – crazy, wonderful, amazing people – who have their own lives to live. I refuse to be a mother who tries to shape my children into my idea of who they should be. As they get older, they will choose their own interests and their own friends. I will do my best to guide them and teach them, but I can’t mould them into who they are not.

Watching them grow, watching them become who they were created to be, watching them blossom is a privilege.

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What did you think of Brave?

Princess Lessons: Sisters Are Special

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Poppet and Pixie may have been late to the Frozen party, but they are now hardcore Frozen-philes. We have daily karaoke sessions and re-enactments of various scenes, and sometimes the girls refer to each other as Elsa and Anna. Poppet even says certain words (“can’t”, for example) with an American accent because Elsa speaks with an American accent. And, while their devotion (read: obsession) with all things Arandelle drives me a little bit nuts, I have to admit that Elsa and Anna are pretty good role models.

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We’ll start with Elsa, since she’s the firstborn and Queen, and whatnot. She’s Poppet’s favourite character, though not actually the protagonist of the story. She’s a protective older sister, to the point where she’ll remove herself from Anna’s life to keep Anna safe. Despite being warned by the most adorable trolls ever that fear leads to the Dark Side – wait, what? – Elsa is so afraid of hurting anyone with her powers that she lets her fear consume her. Instead of embracing who she is, she hides her powers until one argument with her sister leads to an eternal winter. Overreaction, much?

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Anna is desperate to be close to Elsa, and her lifelong rejection sends her straight into the arms of Prince Hans, Mr. Too Good To Be True. (Spoiler alert. Sorry, not sorry.) She’s the typical second child: slightly wild and fearless. Anna will do whatever it takes to bring her sister back, and to save her life.

What I want my own Elsa and Anna to learn from these princesses is simple: love your sister unconditionally; share your secrets with each other; protect each other.

I want my girls to explore their talents, to be comfortable with who they are, and not be afraid to make mistakes.

I want my girls to know that love is more powerful than fear, that the bond between sisters must be cherished, and that singing your heart out to a power ballad can actually be as liberating as the movies make it seem.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, it’s karaoke time and I hear the opening beats of “Let It Go”.

What do you like best about Frozen?

Princess Lessons: Live Your Dream

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“Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair . . .”

When I was a little girl, I always wanted long hair like Rapunzel’s but I lacked the patience to let it grow. When my hair reached halfway down my back, I started begging to have it cut. Poppet, at the age of four, is well on her way to having Rapunzel-length hair When wet, it reaches her bum. (In addition to living vicariously through her curls, I’m now living vicariously through its length.)

Tangled‘s Rapunzel is not just a girl with fabulous (magical) hair, though. She is surprisingly well-adjusted for someone who spends her entire life with just a chameleon as a friend. She likes to read and paint. She’s playful and creative.

And she’s brave. When a strange man enters her tower, she takes action and whacks him over the head with a frying pan. She takes the chance to follow her dream, and she stands up to Mother Gothel when she realises the truth about who she is.

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Part of what makes Rapunzel so appealing is that, although she’s not 100% content with her life, she doesn’t pin her hopes on a man to make her life better. Her dream of seeing the floating lanterns is what drives her and she does whatever she can to make it come true. Sure, she happens to fall in love along the way, but her romance doesn’t make her lose focus.

I don’t want my daughters to pin all their hopes and dreams on finding the right man. I want them to have adventures and chase their dreams, whether they’re single or not. I want them to be secure in who they are as Poppet and Pixie, to know that it’s not a soulmate who will complete them and make them happy.

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And when love comes along, I want them to be brave enough to embrace it.

What do you like about Rapunzel?

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Princess Lessons: The Hard Path

I never watched Pocahontas when I was a child. I don’t know why. Perhaps I was only interested in the fairy tales I was familiar with from my story books, as opposed to actual historical figures from other countries. The first time I watched Pocahontas was a few months ago with Poppet and Pixie. The only reason we’d hired it was because there was a picture of Pocahontas on Poppet’s princess dominoes and I couldn’t tell Poppet a single thing about her.

Zombies, you totally need to watch Pocahontas. Here we have a heroine who isn’t beautiful according to Hollywood norms (i.e. she doesn’t resemble Barbie. Yes, I’m looking at you, Aurora.) and we definitely need more of those. Pocahontas is dark-haired, dark-skinned, independent, strong, playful, adventurous, and the very definition of a free spirit. She is beautiful, for all those reasons.

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Pocahontas respects her father. He wants her to marry one of the warriors in their tribe. Instead of throwing a hissy fit, Pocahontas seeks advice. She turns to Grandmother Willow, a spirit in a tree, and listens to the voices in the wind. Okay, I don’t want my daughters to talk to trees or hear voices, but I do want them to think before making decisions. I want them to know it’s good to ask for advice, and that they can rely on the Holy Spirit to guide them.

Pocahontas initially runs from John Smith, or John Smurf as he’s known in our house. “See,” I said, pointing at the screen, “that’s what you do when strange men try to talk to you.” (I had to clarify that ‘strange’ meant ‘stranger’ and not ‘weird’.) I want my girls to know that the first guy who seems interested might be the right one, but he might not be, so it’s wise to be cautious when opening their hearts.

Probably my favourite part of the movie is the song “Colours of the Wind”. It gives me goosebumps. Seriously. It may even be my favourite Disney song. Pocahontas is a nature girl. She swims. She canoes. She climbs trees and runs barefoot. I want Poppet and Pixie to enjoy the outdoors too, to be active and healthy.

Pocahontas doesn’t get her happily-ever-after. She chooses the path of love and finds that it leads to more hard decisions. She shows us that the right path is not necessarily the easiest path, and that ‘different’ does not mean ‘bad’. Pocahontas shows us that sacrifice requires courage and that sometimes you just have to let love go.

What do you like best about Pocahontas?

Princess Lessons: Love, Love, Love

Beauty and the Beast is probably my favourite of the classic Disney princess films. Of all the princesses, I relate most to Belle – the bookworm and the dreamer.

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One of the most romantic gestures I can think of is the Beast giving Belle that amazing library. I get breathless just thinking about it. All those books! (I hope Belle did all the reading she wanted before she became a mother, because children have a negative impact on a parent’s recreational reading.)

Probably Belle’s most impressive quality is her heart. She is devoted to her father and gives up her freedom for his. She turns down Gaston in a remarkably graceful manner. She feels compassion for the Beast and becomes his friend, then falls in love with the man inside.

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Another thing that makes Belle so cool is that she shows us you can be a beauty and a brain. Poppet and Pixie are both gorgeous and smart – biased mother alert! – and I don’t ever want them to feel that they should play down their intelligence in order to impress or be accepted.

Beauty and the Beast shows us that a person’s outward appearance does not necessarily reflect what is in the heart. Gaston, the village hunk, is also the village jerk. The Beast has a good heart but he has to learn to love.

I want my daughters to look deeper than the surface when choosing friends. I want them to value the person’s heart above their appearance, reputation and social status. I want my daughters to have hearts that are filled to overflowing with love and compassion – hearts like Belle’s.

What do you like most about Belle?

Princess Lessons: Don’t Lose Your Voice

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My cousin and I used to be just a teeny bit obsessed with The Little Mermaid when we were kids. We rented it from the video shop just about every weekend, scripted our own play version of it – in which I was Ariel, she was Ursula, and my brother was Flotsam and Jetsam. We knew all the songs by heart and probably drove our parents crazy singing them all the time.

Hold on. This is all sounding very familiar. (Can anyone say Frozen?) Ahem.

The Little Mermaid still holds a very special place in my heart, and my daughters also see the magic in it. Poppet has, on occasion, lamented being born a “mortal and not a mermaid”. I’m pretty sure that Ariel had a lot to do with my desire for red hair, a desire that was cemented when I discovered The X-Files.

What lessons do I want my girls to take from this tale?

The first is quite obvious: listen to your father. If he forbids something, don’t do something stupid in a flash of temper. Give him time to mellow. Allow yourself time to cool down. Then, in a rational manner, present your case. You’ll (probably) wear him down eventually. Ariel could have saved a lot of trouble if she’d bypassed Ursula and worked harder on winding King Triton around her little finger.

(Dear reader, calm down. I’m not actually advocating that my girls manipulate their father to get their own way. Though that bit about everybody chillaxing – that I did mean.)

On a more serious note, there’s the matter of Ariel’s voice. She tries really hard to get Prince Eric to fall for her, but she has no voice. When Ursula shows up with the voice, Eric goes gaga. This isn’t about not speaking, because my girls are physically unable to stop talking. Trust me, we’ve tried.

I want them to know that their beliefs and opinions are part of what makes them so special, and they shouldn’t have to hide part of themselves to find a boyfriend. The world will tell them to play dumb, or to wear skimpy clothes, or to adopt another’s opinion, or to be someone they are not, all in order to catch a man.

But I want them to know that the right man won’t mute any of their qualities – the right man will help them blossom and grow and shine. I want them to know that who they are is enough even without a man.

(And also, there’s a whole host of fathers and uncles and grandfathers ready to break the kneecaps of any boy who tries to persuade them otherwise.)

What lessons do you get out of The Little Mermaid?

Princess Lessons: Choose Wisely

Sleeping Beauty is one of the few princess movies we don’t have our own copy of, so I haven’t watched it as often as, say, Frozen. Pixie is convinced that Aurora is actually Barbie, and I can see why she thinks that. I’ve given up correcting her.

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We all know the story of Sleeping Beauty, right? Evil fairy gets upset at not receiving an invitation to princess’ christening, curses baby, baby grows up and, like all teenagers, sleeps forever. Along comes a handsome prince with true love’s kiss, and all is well once more.

The most important lesson, obviously, is to choose wisely when drawing up the guest list for your child’s christening. The crazy aunt you don’t invite probably won’t show up and rain down curses on your family, but will she leave her secret millions to your princess in her will one day? Doubtful.

Another lesson is to choose your babysitters carefully. Flora, Fauna and Merryweather seemed responsible enough, but then they got into a fight about a dress and led Maleficent right to Aurora.

Then there’s the message that parents really don’t want to hear: you can’t protect your child from everything. The king and queen thought that by getting rid of all the spinning wheels in the land, they had removed the threat. But all that did was to ensure Aurora’s curiosity when she finally saw a spinning wheel for the first time.

I think as parents we want to shield our children from all the dangers in the world, but that’s impossible. There is only so much we can do but in the end they have to make their own choices, learn their own lessons and fight their own battles. We should teach our children, but not wrap them in cotton wool. I don’t want daughters so sheltered that they have no idea how to cope with a world that doesn’t coddle them or cater to their every whim.

How do you find the balance between protecting your children without being overprotective?