A User-Friendly Guide To Mall Shopping

Over the last few years I’ve noticed that, in general, people have somehow forgotten how to use a mall. So, I present this helpful guide to using a mall without irritating every other shopper.

1. Parking

Before you even enter the mall, it is wise to start your expedition properly. Your big, fancy car most likely has power steering. Use it to avoid parking with your tires on or over the line.

Also, stupidity is not a disability. Neither is laziness. Leave the handicapped parking for those who need it.

2. Elevator use

Each elevator can only hold a certain number of people. The people who are already inside the elevator when the doors open probably want to exit it. They can’t do this if you are trying to enter before the doors have even opened completely.

If you possess enough common sense to wait for them to exit before you go inside, stretch your brain power just a little more and stand aside so they can actually get past you.

Helpful hint: Pressing the button repeatedly will not make the elevator arrive any sooner.

3. Walking and texting

If your eyes are glued to your phone instead of observing your surroundings, do not be surprised when you walk into something or someone. Also, stopping dead may result in a trolley mowing your down. Again, this is no one’s fault but your own.

4. Touching other people’s children

A User-Friendly Guide To Mall Shopping

Image source: http://www.omaha.com

It doesn’t matter how cute or friendly the children in question are. Do. Not. Touch. Them. Ever. If you do, take note that the mom is smiling at you through clenched teeth and will be aware of your exact location as long as you are in the mall.

Also, do not make jokes about stealing the children, especially if the children are old enough to understand your words but have not yet grasped the concept of teasing. Be prepared for a security guard to follow you at the mom’s request for the remainder of your mall visit.

5. Making conversation

The queue in Woolies is not the place to make friends or score a date. If the person you are trying to engage in conversation has:

a) small children in the trolley,

b) bags under her eyes and unkempt hair,

c) an aura of frazzled-ness about her,

And if she merely grunts in response to you, then stop talking. Look away. Pretend you’ve just received a very important call on your phone. Whatever.

Above all, do not comment that she looks tired, that she must enjoy this age, and that her children are such angels. Sure, they’re behaving now. But the reason she’s frazzled and looks about to snap is because not two minutes earlier the children were screaming for the most expensive and unhealthy cereal on the shelf, the queue is not moving fast enough, everyone needs to pee, and her period is due.

What would you add to the list?

A Wee Song

A Wee Song

Image credit: freeimages.com {user: delapiedra}

Potty training is the pits.

Pixie is perfectly potty trained at school. Seriously. She’s had one accident in three weeks. I don’t even bother sending the required seven panties anymore. She got the hang of it the first day I asked her teacher to let her go nappy-free.

At home, it’s another story.

“Mommy, I need to wee!” she declares, and off we go down the passage. She pulls her pants down while I put the kiddies’ seat on the toilet. I lift her onto the seat. She smiles. And promptly hops off. “Mommy, I’m done!”

“A little bit longer,” I suggest, and put her back on. “Let’s sing the Wee Song.”

Wee, wee, wee, making a wee,
Wee, wee, wee, making a wee,
Look at me, making a wee,
Wee, wee, wee, making a wee.

(I’ve got mad songwriting skillz, don’t you think?)

We go through the song two or three times before I concede defeat. She hops off the toilet and pulls her pants up.

Not two minutes later,I hear the cry, “Mommy, I’m wet!”

We’ve tried running water while she’s on the toilet. We’ve tried going to the toilet together. We even let her sit on the potty while she watches TV. We’ve promised a trip to Jimmy Jungles when her potty sticker chart is full.

I’m considering putting up her classmates’ photos in the bathroom so that she can go to the toilet with her friends. (I’m only half joking.)

That said, I’m not too stressed about it. She is only two.

But I can’t wait to say goodbye to nappies for good.

Did you have an easy time toilet training your child?

{Featured Blogger} Chatting to Eleanor

{Featured blogger} Chatting to Eleanor

Last week I introduced you to Eleanor of Just Ella Bella. Today you get to know a little bit more about her.

1. Tell us a bit about your family.

I’m a very soon to be work from home mom working as a freelance journalist and running a online kids accessory store…. talking success into being over here! I’m married to a homicide detective who is video game obsessed and have two boys, one in heaven and one here giving me hell (I kid I kid, he makes me so happy it’s crazy).

2. What us the weirdest parenting advice you’ve ever received?

Someone on the hottest day of the year berated me for not having Aidan (a month or so at the time) in at least three then blankets she actually added “these young mothers”.

3. What is your favourite comfort food?

Stuffed mushrooms, ooooh yum get in my face.

4. Which TV series can’t you get enough of?

Two broke girls rock my world and for the first time ever since ever I like a drama program, Empire is awesome!

5. If you had a superpower (other than being a mom) what would it be?

Teleportation, I genuinely hate driving so would love to just snap my fingers and be anywhere , quick quick.

{Featured Blogger} Chatting to Eleanor

You can find Eleanor on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest and her blog.

{Featured Blog} Just Ella Bella

If you’ve seen my other blog, you’ll know that some of us at SA Mom Blogs are taking part in a “featured blog” exchange of sorts. My April match is Just Ella Bella.

Eleanor is mom to two precious boys, one on earth and one in heaven. She writes on a variety of topics, ranging from life and motherhood to crafts and recipes.

Read her blog here, like her on Facebook, follow her on Twitter, see what she’s up to on Instagram, and check out her pins.

Win A Voucher To Pamper Yourself

This giveaway is now closed.

Win a pamper voucher

Whenever Hubby asks me for gift suggestions for Christmas and my birthday, I always include “pedicure from Renovatio” on my list. Because this zombie gig is hard on a mom, and it’s nice to be pampered every now and then.

And if anyone knows how to pamper, it’s Kerry (and her magic hands) at Renovatio Skin and Body Clinic. Kerry also has a knack for making even the most introverted zombie mom feel comfortable.

Win a pamper voucher

Renovatio Skin and Body Clinic offers facials, waxing, nails, eyelash and eyebrow tinting, massage and make up services. The salon stocks the Vitaderm skincare range as well as Gelish and Essie nail products. Renovatio Skin and Body Clinic is located at Glenvale Centre, 19 Harris Road, Edenglen.

You can find more information on Renovatio’s Facebook page or call 011 609 4202 to make an appointment.

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GIVEAWAY

Renovatio Skin and Body Clinic is giving away a R200 voucher to one lucky reader. To enter the giveaway, please complete all the following steps.
1. Like Renovatio Skin and Body Clinic on Facebook.
2. Like Zombie Mom on Facebook.
3. Share this post on Facebook or Twitter.
4. Leave a comment saying where you’re shared.

Please make sure you’ve done all four steps, otherwise your entry will be invalid.

The winner will be drawn at random and announced on Zombie Mom’s Facebook page on Monday, 27 May.

A Solution To School Traffic Stress – and a GIVEAWAY

This competition is now closed.

A Solution To School Traffic Stress - and a GIVEAWAY

School traffic is the pits. Whether you’re driving around the block several times to find a parking spot, waiting for a gap so you can reverse out of your parking space, or trying to drive along a narrow road with cars parked on both sides, there’s a level of frustration that comes with it.

On the Road Kidz Transport Services can help your school drop-off stress. They will transport your child from home to school, and back home in the afternoon. The drivers ensure that young children are escorted onto the school property, and parents will receive a message to confirm that their children are home in the afternoon. Their drivers all hold valid driver’s licenses as well as the permits required to transport children.

On the Road Kidz Transport Services currently operates only in the West Rand (Gauteng) during government school terms. They are available during holidays and over weekends by special request. On the Road Kidz Transport Services also offers transport to corporate functions, for school outings, as well as transport to the airport.

You can find more information about On the Road Kidz Transport Services on their website or email info@ontheroadkidz.co.za for a quote.

GIVEAWAY

On the Road Kidz Transport Services is sponsoring a R500 Kalahari.com Voucher for one lucky Zombie Mom reader. To enter the giveaway, you need to:
Like Zombie Mom on Facebook
Like On the Road Kidz Transport Services on Facebook
Share this post on Facebook
Leave a comment saying you’ve done the above three steps

The winner will be announced on Monday, 20 April 2015 on the Zombie Mom FB page.

Please note this competition is open to South African readers only. The prize will be in the form of a digital voucher. The winner will be drawn at random.

Of Lice and Little Girls

When I dropped the girls off at school on Friday, I got a notice from Poppet’s teacher that gave me chills.

Of Lice and Little Girls

I had lice a couple of times when I was a child. I remember foul-smelling shampoo, and sitting still while my mother combed through my hair with that fine-toothed comb. I remember feeling somewhat jealous of my brothers, whose lice treatment was as quick and easy as a shaved head, although I lacked the courage to tell my dad to shave mine too.

As I absently said goodbye to Poppet while reading the notice, her classmate Cowboy came to greet her. Cowboy’s head was shaved, leading me to believe that Lice Patient Zero was right in front of us.

My one hope was that Poppet had been absent on Lice Day, so I tried not to feel too stressed out about it. “She doesn’t have lice,” I said when I got home, dropping the notice onto the dining room table.

But I couldn’t help playing the scenario out in my head.

Poppet has gorgeous, waist-length, thick curls. The thought of combing through all that hair to look for lice and nits made me want to cry. Poppet freaks out when I tell her she’s having a haircut; there’s no way I would ever convince her to shave her head.

When I fetched the girls from school that afternoon, Pixie’s teacher handed me an identical letter.

I checked the girls’ heads that night, and the next morning, and the next night. No lice, but there was still a sense of vague panic lurking in my belly.

Of Lice and Little Girls

On Sunday morning, just before we left for church, I noticed small white flecks in Poppet’s hair. Cue: Freak Out.

As I tried to investigate Poppet’s head without messing up her hairstyle (because: church in ten minutes) I may have raised my voice as I asked, “WHAT IS ON YOUR HEAD?”

She huffed. “Pixie poured salt on me.”

Salt.

The relief I felt in that moment – Salt!

Later, I noticed Pixie had glitter in her hair. “Poppet did it,” she said. “Now I’m a princess.”

On any other day, the girls would have been in trouble, but in the wake of the Lice Scare of 2015, I let them get away with it.

Have you had to deal with lice yet?