Princess Lessons: Mama Bear

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Merida is quickly becoming one of my favourite princesses – not only because of her amazing hair and cool accent, but because she’s independent and feisty. And I can relate to her as the older sister to three brothers, particularly her comment, “They get away with murder; I get away with nothing.” Perhaps that was why I never really rebelled – I knew there was no point.

Brave, unlike the traditional princess stories, is a mother-daughter love story. There are three suitors for Merida’s hand, but she’s not at all interested. I can’t say I blame her. (If you’ve seen the film, you’ll understand why.) Merida defies tradition and makes it very clear she wants to choose her own path.

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Queen Elinor wants to raise the perfect princess; Merida has other ideas. They love each other but don’t understand each other, and when Merida asks a witch for a spell to change her mother, she doesn’t exactly get what she asked for but the result is a richer mother-daughter relationship.

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One of the lessons here is: be careful what you wish for. Teenagers are a short-sighted species and often don’t consider the implications of their actions. I want my daughters to follow their dreams, but not blindly or foolishly, or selfishly. I hope that I am raising them to be people with consideration for others, and who will weigh the consequences before making decisions.

I found myself taking to heart another of Brave‘s lessons. My daughters are people – crazy, wonderful, amazing people – who have their own lives to live. I refuse to be a mother who tries to shape my children into my idea of who they should be. As they get older, they will choose their own interests and their own friends. I will do my best to guide them and teach them, but I can’t mould them into who they are not.

Watching them grow, watching them become who they were created to be, watching them blossom is a privilege.

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What did you think of Brave?

Princess Lessons: Don’t Dream Your Life Away

Cinderella is not my favourite princess.

There, I said it. (Don’t hate me.)

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There’s no denying her life is hard and she must have some saint-like qualities to put up with her wicked stepmother and awful stepsisters, but – and this is my problem with her – she doesn’t do anything except dream of something better. Of course, it’s important to have dreams for your life and I hope to teach Poppet and Pixie to have big dreams, but Cinderella seems quite content to dream her life away.

Everything that occurs in the film happens to her, as if she’s not really an active force in her own life. If not for the mice and birds, she wouldn’t have a ballgown for Anastasia and Drusilla to rip to shreds.

If not for her fairy godmother, she would have stayed at home in her tattered gown and dreamed of better days.

If not for the mice (again) she would have remained locked in her room until the Duke left.

If left to her own devices, nothing in her life would have changed. I don’t want my daughters to get the idea that other people will make their dreams come true.

Poppet and Pixie have a fabulous fairy godmother who is also their hairstylist extraordinaire. (She works magic with their curls, and I won’t deny the life-changing power of a good haircut, so if you’re on the East Rand and looking for a stylist, ask for AC at Pasquale.)

However, Cinderella’s uncomplaining servant heart is a quality I’d like to foster in my little princesses. I want to teach them that serving others is not the same as being a doormat. And I’d really like them to sing happily while tidying up instead of moaning about it.

Cinderella is kind and loving, more qualities I’d like to instill in Poppet and Pixie. She looks after the animals – even Lucifer, the mean cat. She doesn’t shout; she doesn’t even raise her voice. She forgives her stepmothers and stepsisters for their cruelty to her.

So, despite her passivity, we can still learn from her. And there’s nothing wrong with dreaming – as long as that’s not all you do.

Princess Lessons: Stranger Danger

Poppet and Pixie love the Disney princesses. They never tire of watching the movies, “reading” the magazines, role-playing various scenes or singing their favourite songs. There is a lot of talk around the Internet whether it’s appropriate for Christians to let their children watch movies that include magic and witches; or if feminist moms’ little girls should be watching movies that convey patriarchal messages where the man is always the hero riding to the rescue; or if, in a world with an unhealthy idea of beauty, little girls should idolise the Disney version of what it means to be pretty.

Look, if you’re that worried, then you might as well throw out your TV, never venture out of your house, and keep your kids away from other children. I tried my best to keep Poppet in the dark about the existence of a certain annoying purple dinosaur, but as soon as she started school, she started singing the theme song and even told me she loved him. It was a dark day in our family.

Satan himself. {Image credit: ssb.wikia.com}

My point is this: yes, Disney’s princess movies are full of gender stereotypes and questionable elements, but they contain some important lessons too.

So, here is the first in my series of Princess Lessons:

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Snow White, the fairest of them all, doesn’t exactly conform to today’s standard of beauty. She’s curvy, and her curves tell my daughters that beauty does not equate to being skinny. She also shows my daughters that they don’t have to be blonde to be beautiful.

Snow White’s stepmother is insanely jealous of Snow White’s beauty, and tries to have her killed. My daughters see that beauty is not necessarily an advantage in life and that it can cause problems for a person: unwanted male attention; unfair assumptions about intelligence, personality, ambitions; and unfair expectations, to list a few.

Snow White is far too trusting. Not all of her choices are bad, though. The seven men she moves in with turn out to be good guys, but trusting an old woman almost gets Snow White killed. Poppet and Pixie are friendly little girls who greet everyone they see. I’m working on getting the “don’t talk to strangers” lesson across.

Snow White isn’t afraid of hard work. Once she moves in with the dwarfs, she cooks for them and keeps their house tidy. My girls need all the encouragement they can get when it comes to tidying their rooms. (Confession time: I am not the most diligent housewife, so perhaps I can stand to learn a thing or two from Snow White as well.)

What are your thoughts on Disney princesses?