Last night during bathtime, I casually revealed the details of my Master Plan. The girls shrieked with glee. My husband laughed nervously. Then I thought, I’m sure a lot of moms could benefit from this Plan. Here it is, fellow zombies:
Step one: Bath the girls together. It’s something they’ve only just started to enjoy, possibly because they are almost too big to fit comfortably in the bath at the same time. The more I threaten that this will be the last combined bathtime ever, the more they promise to stop whining that there’s no space because it’s So Much Fun.
Step two: Let Hubby bath the girls. By himself. Ignore any screaming, begging or sobbing that ensues.
Step three: Let Hubby supervise suppertime by himself. And then bath the girls by himself.
Step four: Disappear right after lunch so that Hubby has the girls for the whole afternoon. Come back just in time to kiss the girls goodnight.
Step five: Disappear before lunch so that Hubby has to supervise lunchtime by himself, then survive the afternoon. Come back in time for goodnight kisses.
Step six: Disappear after breakfast. Hubby must dress the girls for the day, then try not to go insane waiting for naptime. Come back at bedtime.
Step seven: Go out for breakfast. Hubby gets to spend the whole day alone with the girls. Come back at bedtime. Make Hubby coffee or something.
Step eight: Go away for the whole weekend. Sleep. Read books. Go to the toilet without an audience. Shower without an audience. Eat without fending off little hands. Try not to miss the family too much. Resist the urge to pop in to see how Hubby is coping.
What do you think of my Eight Step Programme? I feel it’s quite generous to ease Hubby in like that. Pixie was three months old, Poppet 28 months, the first time I had to parent solo for a weekend. There was no gentle easing in for me. In fact, that whole weekend is a blur. I must have blocked it from my memory.
Confessions of a Zombie Mom 